I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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