I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
