think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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