So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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