Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
