i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So squirting runs in the family.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
