Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Alive.
So much puke
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
