this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize