I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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