I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
