I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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