so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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