some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
