No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
