I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
