Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
