I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
