just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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