I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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