Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
