I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
