Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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