a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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