my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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