I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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