obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm like, not good at living.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
