I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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