barbara walters just said penis...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
