are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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