Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
