dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
