sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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