i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
