I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
