you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
