She's JV to your varsity
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I did not marry a roomba.
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