I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
