I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
