Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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