it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
