i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
