Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize