from now on my penis is your penis
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The best revenge is premature balding
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
