We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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