can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
