I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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