we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
