My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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