I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize