Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize