I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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