Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
