I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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