my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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