bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
