Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
