out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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