Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
