just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
