All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
