I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
third nipple confirmed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
