I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
