my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
