he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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