Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
