I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
