Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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