i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
