our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize