WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
